“TimeZone Wrap-Up is like a good cigar, and by that I mean that it is a compact roll of tobacco that I enjoy smoking every now and then. Although I’m trying to cut back.” – Bill Clinton

Week 4/6/1999

It was an emotional week on the Forum as one disruption after another compromised our purpose as TimeZoners. Many of you took turns leaving, then you’d show back up, then you would “adios amigos” us again, then you’d peek back in to see if anyone was looking, then you’d see someone else leave and you would try and get them to stay, then you’d leave again and go eat. I understand the anger element here, but don’t you people know that if you remain silent, we don’t know you’re here anyway? Even if you say you’ve left, how would we know? I fear that sooner or later someone is going to stage their own funeral here just so they can see what’s being said about them. I’ll hand it to Foie though. He spent all week trying to talk a lot of you into staying. A year ago he’d have held the door! Thanks for keeping the gang together Ken.


“Ed. Get off me Ed. I’ll fire your ass Ed” Fwump! “You’ll be lucky to get a job working for Don Breier, ED” Fwump!

You weren’t the only ones to have a bad week. Poor Ed fought all week to keep the crazies at bay, and Richard spent all of his time dealing with diplomacy issues. Things got so bad at one point that Ed and Richard even got into it. Here we see Richard blocking an upper cut as Ed delivers blow after blow in the new TimeZone Gym!

As you now know, I got caught hitting on a married woman last week. How was I to know that Helen was married to Jas? I mean, my god, there she was on the other side of the world, looking all good and everything, and it was late, and, I just figured, well, you know. I mean, I’m a pretty good-looking guy (“heheheheheh”, Oh shut up Foie) and well, things just happened. I certainly meant no disrespect (call me, Helen) to anyone (after 9:00 p.m.) and certainly not to Jas (and I’ll get back to you), so please accept my apologies and we will (I know. I can’t wait either!) just put all of this behind us. Believe me, I’ve never been so embarrassed!

Richardunveiled his new TZ RGM this week, one screw at a time. First we saw the rotor (I guess he figures we’re suckers for rotors) then he showed us the box it comes in, then after teasing us unmercifully, we finally got to see the dial! Wow! What a design job! Must have taken him 3 or 4 Mai Tai cocktails to come up with that redTZ!Stay tuned folks. You may just already know the next Gerald Genta! (Ed put me up to this). I think it is actually a very nice watch. I’ll take number 63/49!

We did have some good news this week! After everyone left mad 3 or 4 times, Jaeger announced that he was “Not quitting TimeZone”. Damn. Just when you think things are going to be OK

During all of the ruckus this week MJ received an unsolicited golf club in the mail. He said it had a big “1″ on it. Boon, being one of the quickest among us, figured out that it must have been a driver! A.Crewe said he receives club in the mail all the time. Remember now, this is the guy who tried to trade his wife’s car for a golf club awhile back and even he wasn’t sure what the “1″ meant. He’s also bought and sold the same watch 5 times and has now bought it again. You people frighten me!

It’s now official! Judge Judy, I mean Stephanie, is now in pursuit of Watch #2. This saddens me a little, only to the extent that I was hoping that the females among us were of a stronger resolve in dealing with this watch affliction that is so prevalent among the vast majority of our male community. I was pleased to know at least one person among us who had done their due diligence, made a selection, and purchased a watch that would keep them well for a long, long time to come. What’s it been now? Two months? Maybe three? Actually I am glad to see no one gender here superior to another and that safety truly does run in numbers! Good luck Stephanie, both on the watch and the bench! I personally can’t help you with #2 as I don’t particularly like bracelet watches (I did recently buy a SeaMaster, but only because I needed it) but when it’s time for #3, I’ll be ready when you are! (P.S. – you could
just buy a bracelet for your 2100!)

Man, Gumby was back on the “hairy, fleshy thing “ again this week as he was the first to jump right in with an answer to a question that now escapes me. All I remember was his ” Small = 6″; Large = 8″ ” answer and I don’t think it had anything to do with a watch. Now I know why “Paul Delury” changed his name! Hey Gumby, where I’m from, Small = 8″, Large = my god!

John Tohgave us a 40-step checklist this week that allows us to determine if we indeed have a “watch” problem. While his questions were directionally correct, I have taken the liberty of adding a few more to his list:

 Do you get out of bed at midnight just to watch your calendar functions change?

 Do you keep watches hidden in your office so your spouse won’t know you bought them?

 Do you have your credit card bills sent to the home of a friend?

 Have you ever said to anyone, “I don’t need counseling”?

 Are you ever disappointed that the watch you just received isn’t the next watch you intend to buy?

 Do you attend funerals to see if any “new” watches are coming on the market?

I am proud to say that I am probably the only person to have answered “NO” to all 46 questions! I did, however, pick up a nice Gruen at the morgue last Tuesday!

Professor Odets is either the first guy in the second row or the last guy in the second row. We don’t know. We just know he is somewhere in the second row.  Not pictured: Halter Barnes.

Well folks, we are about to graduate our first Watch School class – The Class of 4/99! A proud day indeed for Professor Walter Odets, shown here with his first group, in front of The Watch School Administration Building.

We know Walt is awfully proud of his entire group and we congratulate each and every one on this great achievement!

Speaking of Watch School, it’s time to register for the next round of classes. Vacation is over, no more late nights, so get ready to hit those books! Walt awaits your tuition payments, which as you know, get more expensive with each passing semester. He’s made a few changes this time around based on his experience with the first class. All participants must now show proof of insurance and sign a release form holding Walt and TimeZone harmless in the event of an accident or injury. Several in the first class had to have watch parts surgically removed from various parts of their body, and while Paul Delury’s cat finally “passed” his tweezers, she remains guardedly optimistic at feeding time. Here we see a student that looks suspiciously like Elvis, trying to remove himself from flying watch
Those red arrows don’t look too safe either! This is no “walk in the park” people and statistics already show that you’d be safer attending college on a football scholarship.


The Evacumatic. Sold at fine medical supply stores the world over!

Personally, I haven’t decided whether I’m going to sign up this time or not. If you recall, Walt waited until I was on a boat trip to announce the first class and now that I’ve had an opportunity to see the equipment required, I just don’t know if I’m up to the challenge. My grandmother had one of these hanging on the back of her bathroom door when I was a kid and it always frightened me. I never knew it had anything to do with watches, and come to think of it, I’m still not so sure it does. What the hell is going on inside that school anyway?

Someone asked me just the other day, “Gee Terry. If the regulars on TimeZone were watch parts, which watch parts would they be?” Well, I’m glad you asked me that Mr. Paige! Here is my list and I just know you have yours too!

  • Walt A. – Rotor
  • Foie Gras – impulse roller
  • Matwat – aperture
  • Boon – boot
  • Helen – “keeper”
  • Paul Delury – pivot
  • DON – bridge
  • boB – pallet fork
  • Walt O – anchor
  • RP – regulator

There’s deep meaning here folks. (But you wouldn’t know anything about that!)

The Butthead Award this week goes to dl for being so rude to kathleen@InSync just because she asked a question about incabloc. Maybe this should be called the Incabloc-head Award. I think she only asked the question to see if he knew the answer. Obviously he didn’t. Lighten up watchboy. There’s a lady present! We’ll pretend you just had a bad day!

I am going to close this week in discussion of Bryan Goh’s piece about men wearing women’s watches. As DRB said, “it’s not about the watch, it’s about the man” and as Walt Odets likes to say, it’s not about the man, it’s about the money”. I like to say “it’s not about the money, it’s about the watch” and Hans Zbinden likes to say “it’s not about the watch, it’s about the size”. Richard Paige would counter that “it’s not about the size, it’s about the design” and A. Crewe would argue that “it’s not about the design, but about how frequently it can be bought and sold.” I don’t know what the rest of you like to say, or would say, but I’m here to tell you that you shouldn’t be having these types of discussions. It upsets Vincent something terrible.

That’s a wrap, folks. Not a knuckle wrap, but an effort to preserve peace.